


hold on to me (as we go)

by dapperyklutz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, M/M, Post-Episode: s08e19 Taxi Driver, Pre-Slash, and he sheds a tear or two, old ficlet from Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22557097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapperyklutz/pseuds/dapperyklutz
Summary: “Hey, Cas. You got your ears on?”He’s been praying every night since then. It seemed more of an outlet for Dean to tell Cas about his day, or a funny incident that happened Sam - or even about their latest case. All he knew is that keeping Cas updated with what’s happening in his life seemed like a good idea.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	hold on to me (as we go)

**Author's Note:**

> I was going through my tumblr tags and I stumbled upon this ficlet which I wrote a few years ago. I've always struggled with writing SPN fics, and this was my first foray into delving into Dean's head. Just thought I'd post it here (with a few, minor edits) as well because why not.
> 
> Anyway, I was listening to 'Home' by Phillip Phillips when I wrote this, hence the title.

“Hey, Cas,” starts Dean as he sits on the edge of his bed. He and Sam just got home from visiting Kevin. Well, not exactly visiting when the Prophet himself went AWOL.

“You got your ears on?”

He’s been praying every night since then. It seemed more of an outlet for Dean to tell Cas about his day, or a funny incident that happened Sam - or even about their latest case. All he knew is that keeping Cas updated with what’s happening in his life seemed like a good idea.

Dean sighs and closes his eyes, feeling the burden on his shoulders weigh heavier than ever. He breathes in deeply and exhales slowly, trying to gather his muddled thoughts. He opens his eyes then and starts - his gaze fixed on the ground.

“I, uh… Sammy and I just got back from finishing the second trial. He hitchhiked from a rouge reaper we hunted down and went to Hell. But turns out the dick brought him to Purgatory first because apparently, there’s a back door there that leads directly to down under… He saved Bobby’s soul, Cas. He’s in Heaven now - right where he’s supposed to be.” He pauses, his breathing heavy, knowing that he can’t beat around the bush for long. “Listen, Cas… Naomi - she, uh, she visited me earlier today. She tried to knock some sense into me, but I called out on her bullshit.”

Dean let out a hollow laugh, his heart clenching painfully at the words the angel said.

_“You’re hoping that Castiel will return to you.”_

“She, uh, said some things… about, well - it doesn’t really matter now, does it?” Silence. He sighs heavily. “I don’t know if you’re listening to me, Cas, what with your angel radio turned off, but I - in case you are listening right now… I hope you're safe. Please, _please_ be safe.”

He can feel the tears threatening to fall, and Dean chokes back a sob.

“Just when I was relieved that I didn’t lose my brother tonight, I lost Benny. Son of a bitch told Sammy to tell me ‘good-bye’, and I realized then that out of all the people I lost and who did say good-bye - it was you who didn’t.” He chuckles bitterly. “Makes me think that maybe that Naomi bitch was right.”

_“I only wish he felt the same way.”_

Dean clears his throat and wipes the two tears that managed to roll down his face.

“But I won’t let what she said get to me,” Dean continues with more conviction. He looks up, then, vision blurring once more. “I won’t 'cos she doesn’t know you like I do. You saved me a lot of fucking times, Cas, let me be the one to save you this time. But for me to do that, you have to come back. Here, with me. With us. You shouldn’t fight this battle alone. You have friends, you have us. You have your _family_ , Cas. And we need you. _I_ need you.” He fell silent for a long while, finally running out of words to say… to pray. Dean closes his eyes then, and breathes out deeply as he whispers the last words delicately:

“You’re not alone, Cas. You never were. And if you still think that, then just know you have a place to come home to. And it’s just here, waiting for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Here's [my Tumblr](http://starksandroses.tumblr.com) if you wanna say hi.


End file.
